Conspiracy Paper
The following is the example I gave for my English 102 class. They are to write a conspiracy of their own. It doesn't need to be documented. In fact, a good conspiracy makes things up. Have fun!
November 23, 2006
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
November 23, 2005
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
Novmeber 24, 2006
Just a scant few days ago, it was reported that Ted Kople, former Nightline host, was also the leading candidate for the second gunman in the Kennedy assassination. That may only be the tip of the ice cube floating in the intoxicating martini of power that Kople's been chugging down for years. Keep in mind what originally brought Kople out of obscurity and into the news lime light: The Iranian Hostage Crisis. If you're too young to remember that, then you're doomed for a lifetime of stupidity wherein the only thing that matters is what has happened within your own miniscule speck of existence on a planet that will only be too ready to see you go. But I digress. Close examination of photos showing the Iranian militants who took those hostages has brought a chilling discovery, and anything that's chilling in a godforsaken desert, has to be pretty damned good. Even though the militants are wearing hoods and the only thing you can see is their eyes, there is no mistaking the glint in the grainy photograph. It was Kople. Sources here at HGP have learned through extensive research (the same research that confirmed that we were spelling Kopel's name correctly), that an unnamed source at whatever TV station Kople was on told Ted, "Bring us a story, and we'll give you a show." Ted got his show. The real question is: What is Kople up to now? What could be better than your own show?
November 26, 2006
After hours of painstaking speculation, and minutes of actual research, the truth has been discovered about the Koppel Konspiracy. Ted wants no less than the White House. In 2008, the Democrat most likely to win the White House is none other than Madame Hilary. And regardless of how people may feel about the former First Lady, she stands a darn good chance of winning, simply because she's a woman. Whereas nothing could be better for right wing talk show hosts, nothing could be worse for the Empire envisioned by Carl Rove and his lackeys. Begin the Konspiracy. First of all, Chaney has to go. Nobody likes him. Nobody wants him. I mean, for Christ's sake, the man's name is "Dick." Chaney resigns because of his health. He gets indicted. Or dies. Whichever. Bush then gets to appoint a new VP. Enter Condiliza Rice, or however you spell her name. Rice becomes the next GOP candidate for President. Of course, the GOP isn't stupid enough to think a black woman will beat anybody. After all, the Republicans invented racism. Here's where things get nasty. Bush gets blown up by terrorists. Rice becomes president. She gets the sympathy vote (not to mention some pretty good publicity), and she easily beats Hilary. And why not blow up Bush? After all, what good is he going to do the GOP when there's no one handy to keep him from saying those stupid things he's bound to say? Besides, they'd save a lot of money on Secret Service. But here's the catch. When Connie becomes Prez with only a few scant months left of Bush the Younger's 2nd term, she still gets to choose a VP to replace herself. Who else than Koppel? And why Koppel? Because Koppel is a respected white man (italics added for emphasis). And besides, you know Koppel has to have enough dirt on everybody necessary to make that happen. All it would take is a phone call. Maybe show a few pictures around. Ted probably has enough dirt on God to get himself elected as Pope, even if he's not Catholic (and our sources report that he just may be). And once Koppel becomes the VP, he is just a heartbeat from the Presidency. There are plenty of stair cases in the White House. Accidents happen. Ah, Ted, how did you go so bad so quickly?
November 30, 2006
Holy Grail Press has learned from an inside source that only identifies him or herself as "That Sleazy Bastard," that Ted Koppel has converted to Catholicism. According to Catholic dogma, the only requirements to become a pope are that you are Catholic and a male. Ted is now believed to be both. With the patience of a monk, Ted only has to wait. Truly, Benedictine can't last too long. I mean, the guy looks like he's posing for his funeral picture now. And besides, accidents happen. There are lots of stairs in the Vatican. With Benedict out of the way, Ted is only a puff of smoke away from pontification, or whatever. Then Ted is only a heartbeat away from God. Ya gotta hand it to Koppel; he doesn't aim low.
November 23, 2006
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
November 23, 2005
Tonight is the last time I won't be able to watch Ted Kopple on Nightline. Today is also the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence? I think not. I wouldn't be surprised that Kopple has proof he wasn't in Dallas on that November day 42 years ago. And nothing could be more convincing of his guilt. Every crook I've ever seen on TV has had an alibi. Why was Kennedy assassinated? To make good copy. And who better to help you cover it up than the entire media association. So what role does Jack Ruby play? Our crack investigative squad here at the HGP has learned that Ruby was once a paper boy. Oh how the pieces all fall in place if you just squint hard enough.
Novmeber 24, 2006
Just a scant few days ago, it was reported that Ted Kople, former Nightline host, was also the leading candidate for the second gunman in the Kennedy assassination. That may only be the tip of the ice cube floating in the intoxicating martini of power that Kople's been chugging down for years. Keep in mind what originally brought Kople out of obscurity and into the news lime light: The Iranian Hostage Crisis. If you're too young to remember that, then you're doomed for a lifetime of stupidity wherein the only thing that matters is what has happened within your own miniscule speck of existence on a planet that will only be too ready to see you go. But I digress. Close examination of photos showing the Iranian militants who took those hostages has brought a chilling discovery, and anything that's chilling in a godforsaken desert, has to be pretty damned good. Even though the militants are wearing hoods and the only thing you can see is their eyes, there is no mistaking the glint in the grainy photograph. It was Kople. Sources here at HGP have learned through extensive research (the same research that confirmed that we were spelling Kopel's name correctly), that an unnamed source at whatever TV station Kople was on told Ted, "Bring us a story, and we'll give you a show." Ted got his show. The real question is: What is Kople up to now? What could be better than your own show?
November 26, 2006
After hours of painstaking speculation, and minutes of actual research, the truth has been discovered about the Koppel Konspiracy. Ted wants no less than the White House. In 2008, the Democrat most likely to win the White House is none other than Madame Hilary. And regardless of how people may feel about the former First Lady, she stands a darn good chance of winning, simply because she's a woman. Whereas nothing could be better for right wing talk show hosts, nothing could be worse for the Empire envisioned by Carl Rove and his lackeys. Begin the Konspiracy. First of all, Chaney has to go. Nobody likes him. Nobody wants him. I mean, for Christ's sake, the man's name is "Dick." Chaney resigns because of his health. He gets indicted. Or dies. Whichever. Bush then gets to appoint a new VP. Enter Condiliza Rice, or however you spell her name. Rice becomes the next GOP candidate for President. Of course, the GOP isn't stupid enough to think a black woman will beat anybody. After all, the Republicans invented racism. Here's where things get nasty. Bush gets blown up by terrorists. Rice becomes president. She gets the sympathy vote (not to mention some pretty good publicity), and she easily beats Hilary. And why not blow up Bush? After all, what good is he going to do the GOP when there's no one handy to keep him from saying those stupid things he's bound to say? Besides, they'd save a lot of money on Secret Service. But here's the catch. When Connie becomes Prez with only a few scant months left of Bush the Younger's 2nd term, she still gets to choose a VP to replace herself. Who else than Koppel? And why Koppel? Because Koppel is a respected white man (italics added for emphasis). And besides, you know Koppel has to have enough dirt on everybody necessary to make that happen. All it would take is a phone call. Maybe show a few pictures around. Ted probably has enough dirt on God to get himself elected as Pope, even if he's not Catholic (and our sources report that he just may be). And once Koppel becomes the VP, he is just a heartbeat from the Presidency. There are plenty of stair cases in the White House. Accidents happen. Ah, Ted, how did you go so bad so quickly?
November 30, 2006
Holy Grail Press has learned from an inside source that only identifies him or herself as "That Sleazy Bastard," that Ted Koppel has converted to Catholicism. According to Catholic dogma, the only requirements to become a pope are that you are Catholic and a male. Ted is now believed to be both. With the patience of a monk, Ted only has to wait. Truly, Benedictine can't last too long. I mean, the guy looks like he's posing for his funeral picture now. And besides, accidents happen. There are lots of stairs in the Vatican. With Benedict out of the way, Ted is only a puff of smoke away from pontification, or whatever. Then Ted is only a heartbeat away from God. Ya gotta hand it to Koppel; he doesn't aim low.
posted by Holy Grail Press at 1:04 PM
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